So I didn’t get the AC job. Fine. The feedback from the boss about the interview was more positive than negative – by far the best-qualified candidate just basically need to build-up confidence and project it more. Which is fair enough. I know myself well enough to recognise that is one of my weaknesses, especially in job interviews. And clearly they want someone who looks confident and comfortable sitting there waiting to be asked how to teach four year olds. (I would be once I was in that seat, it’s just job interviews). So basically the message was take some time, settle in and ‘fill your shoes’. They know I can do it, and they’ve promised to put little projects my way to build up my experience and confidence in the meantime.
This is all fine. At some point on the Delta this kind of knockback stopped being a mortal injury which would have me rolling over, playing dead and never daring to re-apply. Now, I take the constructive criticism on board and come back out fighting. I think that actually might be feeding my fury. Now that I know what I did wrong I just want to get back in there and do it again properly, but I’ll have to wait until the next vacancy comes up. So I’m frustrated too.
But what has really sparked the fury is the combination of that feedback – best-qualified but maybe too humble about it when answering the question about how I would deal with potential resentment what with it being an internal promotion and me only here five minutes – and knowing who they actually gave one of the two positions to.
The one girl I don't know and bear her no ill-will at all. She got the job, I didn’t. Fair enough. Good for her. Congratulations. The other, however, – let’s call her Wafty Woman, because wafting about is what she seems to do – had already got right up my nose long before the job came up.
As the final part of my new arrivals induction, I was scheduled to peer observe one of her lessons. OK so far. A couple of days before, she wafts up to me in the staffroom and introduces herself. Still OK. Then comes the weird, slightly insulting/patronising part.
She asks me why I’d requested the observation. Err, I hadn’t, it’s just part of the induction process. She presses on. Is there something I particularly want to see. Err, no not really. It’s just part of the induction process. It’s not a Delta peer obs, and I’m not currently thinking about doing any action research. Still, she goes on, ‘Because I wouldn’t want to show you anything you normally do anyway…’ Excuse me??? What???
Two points occur to me here:
a) IT’S A PEER OBS!!! I’m not the Delta External Examiner. There’s no need for bells and whistles. All that is required is an ordinary lesson. I would never dream of doing anything special for a peer obs unless specifically requested. The observer will still get something out of it.
b) Something I don’t normally do? Erm, hold on… Seven years, four countries, and the Delta… ‘Fraid you’re gonna have to let me think about that one for a while. I’m sure there’re plenty of things I haven’t tried but to come up with something on the spot like that for a Pre-Int class just like I’ve taught hundreds of times… Oh just go boil your head woman…
And still she goes on, ‘I’ve just done the CELT-YL, so I’ve got lots of ideas’. Somehow I managed to resist the urge to say, ‘Well, bully for you. I’ve just done the Delta.’
Then the irony. Come the day, come the phone call from one of the AAM’s to say she’d called in sick. We’d have to re-schedule. Half an hour later, another phone call. This time from Admin. Can I cover the class? So instead of observing the lesson for an hour unpaid, I get paid for teaching it for the full three hours. As Louise said, that’s one way of getting to know the class. And, guess what? It was a revision lesson anyway! So even less need for bells and whistles. And you know something else? I think I did it quite well.
So yes, Wafty Woman got the job, I didn’t. And it pisses me off. That ‘dealing with resentment’ question has come back to bite me on the arse. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ll be professional. I’ll try not to let my feelings show at work. But I really can’t see me going to her for help with anything.
In the meantime, thanks to Hannah for the company and commiseratory hug immediately after the news, Steve and Louise for getting angry on my behalf. And Rachel for the wine, the Dairy Lea Carbonara and sitting up until 1.30am putting the world to rights despite having a plane to Hoi An to catch early the next morning.
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